The S.L.U.T.B.A.G’s were thrilled when we informed them of our upcoming interview with My Darkest Days.

“Strippers Living Under Trucks Before Aging Gracefully” is a multi-national taskforce founded in 1988 after the decline of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” aimed at the advancement of women in roles that further oppress and degrade them to the point of surrendering their rights and reverting to a pre-1920’s state. The taskforce has many famous benefactors such as “That Kid From Home Alone” and “George Clooney.”

The S.L.U.T.B.A.G’s were thrilled when we asked them to film a few testimonial videos for the band. We only selected two because the other 142 videos depicted a stripper post strip. We rewarded all the strippers who participated by giving them each gift certificates to “Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab.” And yes, that is how it works.

The band was very specific about the conditions of the interview. It had to either be conducted in the Governor’s Mansion or in the middle of a homeless camp in front of semi-tractor trailers. We chose the latter for legal purposes and the fact that Ian didn’t want to leave his living room.

During the interview, Ian can be seen mouthing the words of the second testimonial “Chantellllll” who legally added five more L’s at the end of her name to represent the number of times she has overdosed since the summer of 2009. Chantellllll is Ian’s twin sister and older by 1092 seconds, which is the exact number of goals scored by Wayne Gretzky during his professional career. To this day they share a bond that can only be broken by the mating sounds of Canadian Geese.

After the interview we invited “My Darkest Days” to a strip club but they declined saying, “Gods do not live in their own temples.” We then asked them for their autographs and they quickly obliged, drawing unnaturally large breasts all over our faces while singing the Canadian National Anthem “O Canada.”

Digital Firestarter would personally like to thank “One Eye’d Bill” for not injuring us further with his life sized cardboard cut-out of Justin Beiber during the interview